Thursday, December 20, 2012

Im exhausted

I'm exhausted!

Plain ol' over everything exhausted lol

I'm sick of everything and its been so long and now I have a grumble post.

I'm sick of people latching on to me, getting what they can and then flucking off when I have nothing left to give or I no longer have a purpose.
I'm sick of everything falling on me and of course I rise to the challenge and get it done.
I'm sick of everything.

I spent money last month on stuff I couldn't afford to try and look nice for a dinner I had to go to that we couldn't afford because John said "oh you will figure it out" and then it turns out we didn't have to go after all and it wasn't even a nice dinner (apart from I didn't have to cook or do dishes OR pay for it lol)

I'm officially SICK of christmas and it's not even here yet.

I'm sick of pretending that it will be fine and everyone will be happy etc but secretly knowing it will be a crap day and people will do nothing but nit pick at me and how I didn't match up to what they wanted from me.

I'm just sick of everything!

I'm also sick of people pretending to be friends and then drop me like a hot potato when they get a new friend.....what am I? A "you will do until something better comes along" friend?

Hopefully christmas will be fine, and everyone will have a good day and I can post some awesome pictures of the boys playing with their new toys.

Much love

Thursday, October 18, 2012

On Tuesday, we got the call we had been waiting for. It came sooner than we expected and we were NOT ready for it even though we knew it was coming.
After 5months, Johns dad lost his battle to cancer.
I feel the need to blog. I feel isolated and lost. 
I have to tell my two children who love him like crazy and everytime I think about that, I cry.
I am heartbroken for John and his mum and the kids.
I also feel like its been a life time even though it was only two days ago.

I have to say thank you to my friend who helped me take the call from John. 
She is a rock. She helped me sort out John, his nana (who came to look after Declan), and she offered to take Andrew for me so he would still go to school.

I need to say thank you to the staff at Palmerston North Hospital in Ward 23 and 28 for looking after Johns mum and dad. They are fantastic people up there. They were also fantastic when we all sat and said our good byes for HOURS.

I really didnt think this was going to happen so soon. He is a stubborn man with pride and all I could think was "he will fight this in true Wayne fashion"

Apart from having to be there for Ma and John, the hardest thing I did was go and get Johns brothers from the Hospital door and take them up to their dad. I thought I would be ok doing that, so John could stay with his mum while she sat with was very hard.

The other hardest thing I will HAVE to do (because I have no choice in this) is telling my kids about their grandad and I dont know how. I procrastinated telling them about his illness, and I cant procrastinate about this one.

You may not have been my dad Wayne, but I love you like you are.

Much Love 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Its a "donkey off Shrek" day

How can you be so alone even though you have at least one friend you can call on?

That is how I am feeling at the moment.....well I have felt it for a long time, it just comes on like a switch and fades away.

I have a check up so I must get a wriggle on, but I am still left wondering how I seem to be the only one alone in such a big world of  people who claim to love and miss me and that I am such a wonderful person to be around......"and we must catch up soon"


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

People are like Vultures

Not really the title I wanted for this post, but I have learnt that out of the 66 (make that 67) posts I have done only 2 or 3 have had really high views and are still getting read (and talked about).

So it goes to show that people are vultures. They pick on people until there is nothing left and then they just keep on picking.

My "men truly are better than women" post has a WHOPPING 301 views (and I know they are still coming).
My "there is no such thing as "respect"" post has 60 views so far since I posted it and like the post above, it will keep climbing.

My spring cleaning posts didnt do very well (I think the people viewing my blog love my drama that THEY cause btw).

My other posts about the organising challenge have over 100 views, but thankfully those viewers have been reading and commenting and helping me (which is what this blog is designed for).

It just makes me sad that the higher viewed pages are the ones that aren't actually worth reading, but those people will keep reading it to see if I changed the post or if I deleted the post or if I have written another post like it.

Anyway, today isn't very good.
I think Johns nana is getting worse. She is slowly forgetting stuff and she wasnt at New World wating for me to pick her up and take her home this morning even though it is Pension Day and that means getting the bus to town and doing her grocery shopping and then me picking her up and taking her home.

I rang her and she said that I didnt call her (I dont call her on Pension Day, its an unwritten routine) and that she thought she had done something wrong to upset me.
After I went to pick her up and take her shopping, I dropped her off home and she said "oh when you pick me up for my dr appt..." Well she didnt tell me about the dr makes me think I need to broach this with the dr today.

Im very worried that the woman who is driving us all insane is slowly falling away and no one seems to give a rats arse about her except ONE of kids (she has four) and us (being John and I and our kids).

What am I to do?

Friday, October 5, 2012

8 things.......

Right now I am sitting at home with the boys watching Despicable Me
It is a windy night and I have to get the washing in and hang out another load
We had NACHOS for dinner!
Tomorrow is Saturday
Declan has Slap Cheek
Andrew has just gotten over the Chicken Pox
Andrew and I saw Hotel Transylvania on Tuesday
Bring on tomorrow and hopefully I will get a sleep in (ha ha)

Night Night
Have a great weekend

Thursday, October 4, 2012

There is no such thing as "respect for others"

It doesn't exist so I have been finding out.

I started my blog to have somewhere to go to help get my feelings etc out there and to help get myself back to a place I used to be in and was happy there.

I have started getting back there and have been avoiding situations that are no good for me and bring me down and make me angry.

I belong to a forum and in my signature, I have my blog link.
Apparently I need to take the blog link down, because I post nasty things about people and places and have named and shamed them. If you look back on all my posts, you will find no links, no user names, no real names, no FaceBook links, no nothing.

I am constantly being punished by ONE group of people because I don't fit into their mould. If they had taken the time to get off their high horse and into the real world and actually saw me walking down the street, they would most likely say hi to me and start a conversation. Judging by others is crap.

There is no such thing as Respect for Others or Freedom of Speech or anything in between.
Its their rule and your rule and your rule just doesn't fit into their rule.

I think its rude that I am being punished for stuff that I haven't done. I have played the rules, I have been nice, I have even kept silent (which is what THEY wanted) and I am still being punished through the internet.

I think its sad. Im at a point where one person is having a real shit time at the moment and all I can think is "I could help you" but it is quickly replaced with "you have had warning and time to do things and you stuffed around"

I am not on the internet as much as I used to be, and Im a happier person for that. Maybe if everyone got off the internet once in a while and went into the real world, they would be happier too and would stop bringing others down with their crap (like I used to).

So, you can take the link down to my blog and yes I will replace it and yes you can ban me,  but you cant stop my blogging. There are no names or even links, but I can be petty and childish like all of you and start putting up names and links....what is the point though? I won. I will always win and you can't do anything to stop me from being a better person from "meeting" all those "lovely" people on the other end of the computer screen all those years ago.

Much Love

Friday, September 14, 2012

Ive lost my zing! #toh20daychallenge

I am on day 10 and have lost my zing!

Last monday, I felt energized and ready to go. I cleaned my kitchen (and its still clean), did the laundry, bathroom, lounge and bedroom. I dusted. I folded laundry. I cleaned out cupboards.

Now, I check my emails and am losing my control.
Every time I open an email and check the next days task list, I get a little bit more BLUE 

Lets start with the Bathroom

  • I don't have a vanity. I have a sink that is attached to a wall.
  • I don't have a vanity bench, cupboards etc....again, just a sink.
In fact in my bathroom is....a bath tub, over head shower head, shower curtain and a sink (oh and the mirror)
So theres my blue.....oh and to add, I only have one bathroom. No ensuite or extra bathroom.

The laundry
I have a washing machine and a tub that is mounted on the wall. No shelves, no cupboards, no freaking under tub anything.......

Another thing....I dont have rugs or decorative cushion things lol.......and we havent had much sun lately to hang these things on the line to eliminate dust mites etc.
I don't even have a pantry to organise or a tuppaware draw/cupboard whatever lol.
I don't have a dishwasher to load and unload every day.
I don't even know what I was meant to do the other day when it was "kids toy room/spare lounge/spare bedroom/craft room" day so since I don't have any of that either, I watched telly.

Day 9 tasks were a wee bit more disheartening for me. We use our ceiling fans all year not too much dust there (and we have allergies so I clean them quite a bit from ash etc), I don't have a junk draw (cos I just decluttered that last week with the kitchen task) and I don't have a diary thingy whatsit....which made me a bit sad that we don't have activities to log, play dates, birthday parties etc (as we John doesn't like to socialise)

Day 10 tasks came into my email box last night and Im a wee bit more sad to say, I only need to clean my oven....the other stuff isn't relevant to me.

So instead of embracing our simple life with our SMALL house of 3 bedrooms, one bathroom, one kitchen, one lounge, one toilet and a laundry room (which is outside), I am left feeding the black dog of doom and not wanting to do this challenge anymore. Its not just that my house is small and simple, its also that most of the cool storage stuff is not available in NZ so I can't even buy any of it to perk my mood up.

Please help perk me up and keep me doing this challenge I took on. The only upside to it so far is that I get grotty when my kitchen starts to look dirty and I have to get up and clean it. The rest of the house is clean and tidy too (except for the kids rooms....a huge skip bin will help with that)....but how do I embrace what I have and keep going every day?

Much Love

Friday, September 7, 2012

Happy Friday!

Happy Friday!

I have been having fun with the 20day challenge. My kitchen is still clean and tidy, my bedroom is too (except for Johns clothes haven't been put away and "I will do it Vik") and the laundry is nothing so that was a breeze. Oh and the lounge was on the list yesterday and I already did that sunday morning while Andrew was watching the new dvd "the avengers".
So all I have to do is maintain whats done (and get a new keyboard for the laptop co my S int working) and be ready for next weeks emails.

I was catching up on some reading and had to laugh at some of what I was reading. A few months back, I got hand bagged for asking for some advice about Declan. Apparently if I wasn't working or studying etc then I SHOULDN"T have my kids in care. That made me FURIOUS at the time as the stupid bitch (yes I am still mad) had no FARKING idea why my kids are in care so had no right to judge me for John and my decision. Turns out the person who ripped me a new one is breeding like wild fire (ok 4 kids but still), isn't working and has a NANNY! Now Im confused, because obviously if I shouldn't have MY kids in care (2 by the way), then why does she have a nanny when she doesn't work? And she has a friend with a handful of kids and SHE has one too....
Is that what I am meant to do? Take my kids out of care, breed like a rabbit, not work and then have a nanny like other "upmarket" mothers and live off my husbands "very good wage"? Hmmm food for thought this weekend.

Surely the views on this post will go through the roof over the weekend once word gets around.......because even though I DON'T put up names etc, everyone seems to 'know' what Im talking about *insert eyeroll here*

I better go pick up Andrew from his full time care and "parent" him like I am meant to. I haven't gotten anything out for dinner, so will have to do the mad dash around Countdown.......

Have a great weekend!
Ooh a shout out to LATTE JUNKIE for visiting.....go check out her blog!
Much Love

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Today is the Master Bedroom! #toh20daychallenge

WHEW! So glad that is done!
Today is the MASTER BEDROOM...that means my room with John.

I don't have a before shot today, but I have stripped the bed, washed the bedding, vacuumed, dusted etc.

I filled up a HUGE rubbish bag with stuff and I found.....a computer Hard drive box and a printer UNDER the bed! They went in the bin. Luckily the rubbish men are coming on Thursday because my wheely bin is FULL.

I am still thinking what the fuck did I get myself into, but my kitchen is still spotless from yesterday and I am feeling quite proud of myself for doing what Im doing.
I USED to have a clean and tidy house way back when. I USED to bake and feel good about myself too. So this is making me feel really good. Its a shame that I don't have as much support from my best friend and my family as I thought I would have, but if the kids and John make a mess I WILL GO NATO! You never know, the kids might like it.
Andrew came home yesterday and said, "wow you did some cleaning"...thing is, he doesn't remember what I did when he was a baby so this is very disheartening that I have let him down by slacking off over the years.

Right! I need food and my E key isn't working so I have to BASH it lol.....catch you all tomorrow!

Monday, September 3, 2012

My SPRING cleaning challenge #toh20daychallenge

Ok so I have NO idea what possessed me to do this!

On one of my parenting FB groups, the daily question was "How do you Declutter your home?'
One of the lovely ladies answered it with this The Organised Housewife so I clicked on the link (which was actually a website) and found her.
I thought it would be a good way to get my ass back into cleaning up and being organised (because believe it or not, I was a neat freak BC).

So a prompt showed up on my FB news feed and I had a look and decided this would be good for me!
Its a 20 day challenge....Last week was a week of printing out printables and buying things that we would need (cleaning products etc), setting goals and making a morning and evening routine.

So yesterday afternoon this turned up in my email inbox day one challenge - kitchen and I printed out the printable and took a before shot.

This was taken on my iPod so forgive the crappy focus. Its also up on instagram
This is generally how my kitchen looks...every day....every night.

This is now what my kitchen looks like after just under 3hours!
I am now sitting down and having a coffee and waiting to see what John wants to do for lunch.

I am VERY proud of myself....but VERY apprehensive about how long it will stay like that and if John and the kids can help keep it this way too.

Saturday, September 1, 2012

First day of SPRING!

Its the first day of spring!

I have finished the Summer blog challenge (with 7 prompts to finish, that I am having trouble with) and I am about to start a 20 day organising challenge to try and get my butt back into gear (and I need a spring clean).

I feel like things are getting back on track where they are meant to be (and where they used to be)...isn't it amazing how Spring and Summer can put a HUGE spring back in your step!

I wonder if I can get away with changing the name of my blog now that it doesn't really suit anymore.....hmmmm food for thought

Much love everyone and happy Spring

#blog challenge 18/8/12 onwards

It is now September and Im a wee bit disappointed in myself for lagging on the summer blog challenge. I got way behind so many times and now its finished and its Spring and I still have two weeks (or round abouts) to catch up on. we go.

How did you meet your significant other?
I just asked John this and he said "painfully"....hmmm maybe I shouldn't ask him these questions to help me answer.

The short story is that I went to Polytech with one of Johns younger brothers and John was running in the same sort of social circle as me. I think we were bound to cross each others path eventually, but I found him sitting at my kitchen table one night when I came home from a friends house.
We swapped cellphone numbers and were stuck like glue ever since.
We didn't date though (which makes me a bit sad), we just hung out together with his friends and I think we were together for about 2-4wks before we moved in together.

It was very fast, but I don't regret it for a second.

Share a favorite free font you've found.
Some of these prompts I have found a wee bit silly this one.
I have no idea where to get a free font from or even have the patience to trawl through pages and pages and pages to find one. I don't actually know how to download one to my computer either. I am still very new to the WWW and pick things up very slowly off other bloggers.

Give a tip for new bloggers
A tip for new bloggers from a recent new blogger is to read blogs, google blogs, join blog hops (yeah that was a new thing for me), comment on blogs you like and ask questions.
Always ask questions.
I have a few blogs I always read and refer people to and have learnt stuff from.
Ooh and get "blogging for dummies" haha

Favorite rainy day activity.
Ooh this is soooo easy......My favourite rainy day thing to do is cuddle up on the couch with John and the boys and watch telly or a dvd with the fire going.
Normally its something John or the boys want to watch, but I have found that being open minded (which was VERY hard to do) has taught me that I would of missed some good programs and movies etc if I had chosen not to watch them myself.

What's a show from your childhood that you'd love to bring back?
There are heaps of shows from my childhood I would love to bring back.
  • The Snorks
  • Captain Planet
  • TMNT (the original 1980s show)
  • That cartoon with the cat wearing a top hat
  • The Jetsons
  • Transformers
  • The Avengers
I could keep going, but I think I would run out of room!

Who is your favorite villian?
I don't have a favourite villian.....I don't even have a villian come to mind from my childhood. Im a hero kind of girl

If you could have personally witnessed one event in history, what would you want to have seen?
The short answer to this is...there isnt one. My mind is somehow only seeing the bad events and I don't want to go through any of those.

Friday, August 31, 2012

#blog challenge 12/8/12 onwards

What's an eco-friendly organization that you could get behind and support?
Im not too sure if we have any eco-friendly organizations around where I am....will have a looksee.

What type of schooling do you currently or plan to do with your children?
I don't understand this prompt. My kids are currently in Primary School. They are year 0 and year 3.
I have done Secondary education and did start a business degree, but had to put that on hold when I fell pregnant with Declan. I plan to start that up when he gets a bit older.

Give a good piece of advice to first time parents.
I think the best piece of advice I can give to a first time parent is to take what people say and filter out what doesn't work for you.
When I had Andrew, I didn't have the internet or coffee groups etc. I had no family or friends. I had PLUNKET. They came into my home and told me I was a crap parent and that I needed to do what they said etc. Luckily one of my aunties came in and helped me to weed out the crap plunket told me and make it suit how I was as a person and a mother.
So the best advice I can give is to take what is said with a grain of salt. Also, if you need help ask for it, because it wont always come to you if you don't speak out.

The hardest part of parenting is...
not succumbing to what everybody else is doing and buying.
I have learnt that parenting is sooo much different to what it was when I was a first time parent. We coped with basic clothing, toys, pram, carseat, and hand me downs. When I became a parent to Declan too, it all changed and everyone was all about the newest and latest carseat, cot, pram, toys, clothes etc. Then you have the toys as they get older and the after school activities etc. The hardest part of parenting is to not "keep up with the Joneses"

10 things you love about your significant other (or kids or pets)
I read this as about everyone I will do 5 for the kids and 5 for John (because I love them all)

Andrew and Declan

  1. They make me laugh
  2. They make me look at the world differently
  3. I miss them when they are at school because they aren't here with me
  4. I love the way they love movies..they are currently into The Avengers
  5. They like the little things in life

  1. He loves me for me
  2. He works hard to look after the boys and I
  3. He sacrifices things so we can have what we need (or want)
  4. I love that when he goes away for work, he rings me everyday without fail just because he wants to.
  5. I love how he watches a lot of re runs and really bad movies because I want to
How did your child (or pet) get their name?
He he.....when I saw this, I went straight to Andrew.
Andrew John came into this world at a funny time in my life.
My grandad had recently passed away not long before we found out I was pregnant. I "knew" it was a boy so wanted to forego the 20week "gender" scan.
He is named traditionally after an important man in my life.
Andrew is the middle name of my grandad and John is from...well John.
It just seemed appropriate to continue the name John and to take something from my grandad too.

Declan Phillip is a wee bit different.
We couldn't decide on a name and Declan was the only name we kept coming back to in the baby book that John liked and didn't make fun of.
Phillip is from my grandad. His full name is Phillip Andrew Ritchie and my boys have both his names somewhere.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

#summer blog catch up...nearly at the end now :-(

A typical day in my shoes is as follows.....

7am my alarm goes off and I push the snooze button until 7.40am
7.40am I get up and get the boys breakfast ready and then get them up
While they are eating their breakfast, I make their lunch and then get them dressed (well I get Declan dressed because he is very easily side tracked).
I then get dressed while the boys are watching telly, then I go outside and have my coffee, my smoke and start the car up.
Come inside and wash my face and brush my teeth and then we are all off.

8.35am or roundabouts, I am dropping Declan off at school. I go in and unpack his bag with him.
8.40am or roundabouts, I take Andrew to school.

Then I go see my friends for a coffee.

11.45am I take John lunch

12.30pm or roundabouts...I go home and watch telly.

4.45pm I go out and pick the boys up from after school care and then go home and cook dinner

I try and have the boys ready for bed and in bed by 7pm so I can spend the nights with John.

Thats pretty much it.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

#summer blog catch up

I am OFFICIALLY wayyyyy behind.....heres my catch up

Mmmm my dream job is a...........


That means that I want to be the person that takes ultrasounds, x-rays etc. It is something I have wanted to do for the past 8years or so and still want to do now. I have gone through the process of actually looking at where I can study to do it, I have asked other Radiographers how they did it and its also a very short staffed profession here.

Yes! In fact, I have too many authors.
I love Judy Blume. She is one of my childhood/teenage favourites a long with Paula Dazinger. They are both great women in their own right and write fantastic books. My fave books would be..... Starring Sally J Freedman as Herself and The Pistachio Prescription (AND the fudge o mania books and the bat in bunk five books).
I think thats it...I have read a lot of other authors and always seem to come back to these two. I have re-read their stuff, read everything they published that I could find and have their books on my bookshelf.
I also read Janet Evanovich and Louise Bagshawe, but they dont compare.

mmmmm a skill? like a work skill or a life skill?
A life skill that I wish I had be more calmer in life (especially as a parent) and to have the life skills that I should of been taught that I didnt pick up myself. Now that I think about it some more....the list is actually getting longer lol.


  1. Travel to all the places I learnt about in school
  2. Go and see the lego factory
  3. Go to Holland (I think)...the model train museum
  4. See more of my country before I head off overseas and see the world
  5. Fix up my house the way I want it to be
  6. Watch my kids grow up and become men
  7. Take an actual Family Holiday!
  8. Do all the silly mundane things that I keep meaning to do and never get around to doing
  9. Eat more chocolate biscuits
  10. To do the "eat, pray, love" thing and be happy.
My movie is The Notebook.
I love this movie. I have it on DVD. I have pictures saved to my computer HDD so I can look at them later. I have watched movies starring the lead actors too.
I love the story. I love the love. I love the way the couple goes through so much and still comes out of it together. I love everything in it.
I think I love it so much, because John and I have been through so much too. He is my Noah Calhoun and Im his Ali.The Notebook Wiki Synopsis

This is my baby Tungsten. John bought her off some friends 6years ago. She is a GREAT DANE/BULL MASTIFF cross with a bit of Ridgeback in her. She is huge! She sits in front of the  fire every winter and Im pretty sure she would climb in if she could fit......

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

John is away......

John went away for TWO weeks on Sunday 12 August.

I *should* of done a post on my first day as a "solo" parent, but I didnt really think about it.

The first day went ok until bed time rolled around and I realised that John was NOT coming home from work so I went to sleep in an empty bed for the first time in a few months. Ok, hes been away before (3 nights to Auckland for work or a few nights in hospital....) I should of just got on with it.
The first nights were good. I got the kids into a routine and we were eating junk for dinner (American Hotdogs, chicken burgers, hell pizza lol). Then Andrew woke up with his attitude and the past week has been a nightmare.

Last Thursday I did my groceries and got home and it hit me like a hammer. I was home in an empty house (until I got the kids) and I had no one. I spend my days texting John and having lunch with him and then he comes home from work and we watch telly and go to bed. This was more than 3 nights away. This was HORRIBLE. I cried!

Friday wasn't too bad. Declan decided to go to Johns nanas house for a sleep over and it was just Andrew and me. I spent the WHOLE night texting anybody who would text back and Facebooking anyone who would Facebook me back too. Johns brother wouldnt come over and watch telly with me and Johns friends were busy... it made me realise that although I have "friends", I have no one to call on when I am lonely and need someone. Everyone seems to be busy with their lives and too busy to let little old me in for a 5min chat. People also DO NOT visit anyone anymore either. Its all "sit at home and wait for someone to come to you".

Saturday I went to pick up Declan and he decided that he didnt want to come home. No amount of texting my BIL would make him come over and I even bribed him with petrol money to get home!

Sunday, Andrew and I had chocolate cheesecake for breakfast and blobbed out in front of the fire watching telly before picking Declan up (because lets face it, he had school the next day).
After I fed them, bathed them and put them to bed, I had another pity party and cried again. I MISSED JOHN.

Monday, Declan stayed home from school and we had telly lol. We also visited my best friend who is sick and just did nothing really. I attempted to mow the lawn, but ran out of petrol! And then it rained!

It is now Wednesday and even though I know John is home on Saturday, I miss him more with every day that passes. He is now on night shift (started last sunday) so instead of calling every night, he calls every afternoon. The nights are really long and Ive been playing Facebook games.

Even though I parent the kids by myself, this has been different and I do take my hat off to the actual solo parents out there that have to do this alone every day.

Im off to clean my house (who am I kidding?).

Much love

Friday, August 10, 2012

I am.......

I am annoyed today.

I am annoyed that things aren't what they should be and we should be able to say what we feel and what we want to say without having to think about what others may say or think about us in return.

I am annoyed that my birthday didn't go as I thought it would, but it actually went they way it always does. Let down after let down.

I am annoyed that a "young" mother left her child at home one night to go out and see friends and then got a smack on the hand and name suppression when other people would of gotten something a lot harder.

I am annoyed that I can't say what I really want to say because then it makes me look like a sad jealous pathetic person.

I am just plain annoyed at everything.

I am annoyed that the car is playing up and we can't find out what is wrong with it and fix it

I am annoyed.

Hopefully my weekend will be better and I wont be so annoyed by monday.


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

#Day 66 summer blog

My favourite article of clothing socks and my jeans.
I love SOCKS. I love socks like other women love their make up and ear rings etc.
I also love my jeans, because it is really farking hard to find a good comfy pair of jeans.

I have LOTS of photos to I am going to add one at the end of each blog post

This is Declan and his grandad

Monday, August 6, 2012

#Day 65 summer blog

I yell and scream and cry and freak out and then it turns into a full on anxiety attack in most cases.
Its really awful and I don't know what to do about it. That makes me sad.

In other stuff....I have pictures!
John and I went to Te Papa last week......

Sunday, August 5, 2012

#Day 58 + summer blog

John worked on this wind farm Te Apiti Wind Farm
I don't know much about it or about alternative energy sources. It is a very big wind farm lol.

Lol. I have never "roughed it". Actually as I write this, I do remember the ONE time I have been camping. It was like ummmmmmmmmmm

14years ago? I think? I don't know. That was the time I ever roughed it. Although it wasn't really roughing it as we had working flushing toilets etc and it was ONE night for school camp.

I thought when I was younger, that everything would be like Fifth Element or The Jetsons etc.
I thought we would be run with robots, sky scrapers, so much technology etc that we would be like The Jetsons with space crafts for cars etc.
Boy was I wrong! Now, we have the technology, but we are also struggling with everyone else to get by comfortably. This is but isn't the way I thought it would be. I always knew that money etc would get worse. I just "knew" and freaked out and worried about it a lot as a kid. Now its not much better, but I am more realistic.

I am not too sure how to answer this. Im not an arty farty and I don't really have anything to share otherwise.

This was a standard color picture when I took it. I then uploaded it to some app on my iPod and turned it into this.......This is Declan.
Im a really boring person as I am finding out more and more with each post on this challenge.
I don't do homemade gifts or ANYTHING.
My idea of homemade gifts is whipping up a batch of biscuits and putting them in a store bought gift box. (and I have done that)

The must have feature I have to have in my dream home is a HUGE kick arse kitchen!
I think I could handle living in a tent as long as I had a kick arse kitchen like in one of those mansions on the Kardashians lol.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

#Day 52 + summer blog

My free activity is taking them to either the lake for a walk and feed the ducks or take them down to my mums and we stop at the dog park on the way and let the dog have a run around.
There is heaps to do with the kids, you just have to look for it.

This is from when John took us to pick up pine cones a few years back.

Im not the gardener of the house. John is. He has heaps of "advice" but doesn't follow any of it lol.

If we ever manage to have summer this year, I spend most of summer inside with the curtains shut. No such thing as AC in our house. Then its lounging around watching telly in barely enough clothing to be acceptable and eating salads and easy fast food. Lots of ice cream, water etc and lots of water fights outside (on our water days)

At the moment, I have my iPod on shuffle and its playing a wee bit of everything.
Yesterday, I was favourable to Pink, Lily Allan, Disturbed, Matchbox 20 etc and some Ed Sheran, Train, and others I am having a mind block on.

Some recent snacks I have been giving the boys are:
"little sausages" or cocktail sausages (while I am cooking dinner)
raw veges (capsicum, celery, carrots etc) and aioli dip (store bought)
fresh and tinned fruit

If I had a super power? I thought I already had one....Im a mum. What do you do?

I want the power to be able to bounce off the walls at 6am and keep going til 10pm.
Thats the super power I want.

Friday, August 3, 2012

#Day 42 + summer blog

Funnily enough, I haven't actually taken a "holiday". I have stayed in hospitals, friends houses, family houses etc, but never had an actual bonafide vacation. Sad eh?

I dont actually have another photo of me other than the one I originally posted on week one. Sorry people. Im not a photo person. Im the one taking the photos. Even if I take a photo of myself in a mirror, I NEVER ever look as good in the picture than I did no more than 2mins before in the mirror.

The only piece of advice I want to give my boys is to be yourself.
I have spent my whole life changing myself into someone who I thought others wanted me to be. I don't think I have ever been happy. I am a people pleaser and a door mat. I let people walk all over me and treat me like utter crap and Im an implosive person. Im the person that gets sick of it and thinks about stepping out in front of the train.
All I want for my kids is to be happy, be themselves and do what they want to do (when they are older) as no one can make your life but you.

Im sorry. This is a short and sweet answer. I don't wear make up. I don't like it, it never looks right on me and I can't apply it to save myself. I also don't have the time, patience or money to spend on make up lol.
I have however just recently (ok almost 5months ago) gotten my lashes and brows tinted, but again I don't have the time or money to waste doing that on a regular basis.
I do wash my face every morning with Nutrogena oil free grapefruit face scrub. Thats it. No moisteriser or anything.
Im a simple girl really lol

Again, a short post. I don't have a favourite room in my house (unless my bed counts). I hate my house. I hate the fact that nothing we do makes it look any better. I hate that its so dark and small.
My dream is to win lotto, knock it down and start again (unless I can sell it in the meantime).

Is this something I have done? I do RAK all the time. Im a sucker for being nice to people.
I remember this one time, I offered to take this ladys trolley back for her (she had four kids with her I think) and it was raining. Not long after, I got some movie tickets sent to me in the mail. I thought that was pretty cool. Made my day until I realised that those two little tickets were going to cause nothing but arguments in the house lol.

Hehe all I can think of is "go to bed and snuggle with John"
Hmmmmm last time our power went out, I snuggled up on the couch with a book and read with my iPod playing.
There isnt much you can do when the power goes out. If it's night, light some candles etc.
I loved it when the power went out. No TV, no computer, no internet, no nothing and it was fantastic!
That doesn't really answer the post title, but what do you do when the power goes out?

I can't answer this. It would make so many people mad! There is soooo much I would do if I could, but I would also upset so many people. This is the sort of stuff I tell John. We kind of think a long the same lines as each other, but it's not something I am willing to share on here.

Oooh I love this sort of thing.
I would knock my house down and start again with the house of my dreams.
I would give money to Johns nana to keep her comfortable for the rest of her life.
Take a holiday around the world etc
Thats the most part of it. The rest of it would be on silly little stuff like cars etc.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

#blog challenge Day 41 Fave blogs or websites

This is about sharing blogs or sites I visit.

local sugar hawaii blog She is a fantastic blogger. I stumbled on her blog from Michelles Blog
I stumbled on this site from Michelle too lol Latte Junkie
The host of the blog challenge is another I visit goinggreenwiththegrizls
I heart organizing
I heart organizing projects
I heart organizing Pinterest
Googie momma and everything she posts. She has a Pinterest page too that you HAVE to follow!
Kiwi Mummy Blogs is where bloggers from New Zealand have their blogs posted. Mine is on there somewhere and its where I found Michelle.
Oh and I can't forget to add my friend Trishy because she would never forgive me haha

I think thats about all I can find while I am on Johns laptop.

Have fun and on Michelles blog she has link goodness (where I spend HOURS)

Much Love

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

#blog challenge Day 40

The Hardest Challenge I have been faced with

I was going to put this in with my catch up blog posts, but after thinking about it and reading other blogs I decided it needed its own little post of its own.

I have been faced with some difficult challenges over the years. I wouldn't call them hard as such though.

I moved to the other side of the country when I was only 18yo to a place where there were no friends or family. I got pregnant not long after that and had to do so much alone. That would be a difficult challenge.

John and I moved house twice from Waikanae to Upper Hutt and then on to Masterton (where we are now) and that was hard, but very easy to manage.

Isn't it amazing how we use the word hard when we could use another word instead?

I have been hit with lots of challenges over the years and I would call them hard, I wouldn't class one as harder than the other.

John and I have had so many steps to climb up over the years.
He has had health scares, work accidents, accidents and brushes with death in the 10years we have been together.
We have had two babies, three house moves, job changes and bought a house.
We got married (that was HARD).
And here we are today.

If I really had to sum it up, the HARDEST challenge I was faced with was having John in hospital not knowing if he was going to come home.

A few years back, John was really sick. He thought it was the weather and that he hadn't stopped to eat all day.
He was cold and clammy and pale and looked AWFUL.

We later found out that his heart was literally beating out of his chest! I googled and tried to get him to let me ring an ambulance and in the end he DROVE himself to A&E. He was up there for about an hour when the nurse rang and told me he was staying in and I could see him the next day.
Little did we know, he was near death. He had Ventricular Tachycardia and there is no known cause for why John has it. They had to shock him three times and pump him full of any medicine they could find for the heart.

When I think about it now, it scares me how close I came to losing my best friend. It was around that time when Johns aunt decided to give him a kick up the bum and get him to make an honest woman out of me!

John has had two more episodes after that and has had some investigative surgery to try and find out what is wrong with him. Fingers crossed it doesn't happen again because I try not to think about one of the days John might not of come home.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

#blog challenge Day 36-39

I dont think we had a holiday tradition as kids, but when I met John 10years ago I found out his family had one.

Every Christmas, everyone would go to the family home. There was mum, dad and the three kids and mums nana and anyone else who came. Everyone would bring a plate and pitch in to help with the dishes etc and the food. The presents would go under the tree until Dad would sit in his "Santa" chair and give out the presents.

I thought it was a great tradition and it turns out everyone in Johns extended family did the same thing (which is what I found out when we went to Johns Aunt and Uncles house one year for Christmas).

I am a family girl at heart and I loved how Johns family would get together every year. Even when we took over the house and everyone started doing their own thing, we still had Johns Aunt and Uncles house to go to for Christmas so that Andrew and Declan would know what Christmas and family means.

If I could do anything knowing I couldn't fail, the list would be endless.
Im a pussy! P U S S Y! I am scared of my own shadow at the best of times, and that holds me back from doing things I would love to do.
Things I would do:

  • Ski
  • Travel
  • Fly
  • Scuba dive (Im scared of the ocean)
  • Sky Dive
  • Travel
  • Travel
  • Get my degree (I failed my exams, thats the only thing holding me back)
Oh this is endless!

Call me a scrooge, but I don't really want to share any lyrics. I listen to a lot of music and most of it doesn't have any meaning to me. Its just music I listen to when Im in a particular mood. One song that is always popping into my head though is I know who I am - Israel and New Breed
Here are the lyrics:

I know who I am 
I know who I am 
I know who I am 
I am yours 
I am yours (2x)

And you are mine 
Jesus you are mine 
You are mine 
Jesus you are mine

I was running, and you found me
I was blind, and you gave me sight
You put a song of praise in me
I was broken, and you healed me
I was dying, and you gave me life

Lord, You are my identity

I know, I know…

I am forgiven, I am your friend 
I am accepted, I know who I am
I am secure, I’m confident
That I am loved, I know who I am
I am alive, I am set free
I belong to you and you belong to me


I have HEAPS of pet peeves although putting them all down is harder than it sounds lol

  • I hate cleaning the kitchen and having crumbs on the bench
  • I hate cleaning up and the kids or John making a mess not long after
  • Why do I always seem to have to change the toilet roll when its empty?
  • Same with the coffee jar and the sugar jar
I hate being a mum sometimes...we get lumbered with so much stuff while the kids and hubby get to play the "its not our job" card *sigh*

Monday, July 23, 2012

Blog Catch Up #2 From June 29

This is a HUGE catch up that I have been meaning to do for AGES.

I have to be honest, I have been slowly neglecting this as the prompts are getting harder for me to do. A "how to" post makes me run and hide. Im not good at writing anything let alone a how to post and actually putting some thought into it lol.
So with the help of a fellow blogger, I am writing about a typical weekend in my house.
I dread weekends. I have two VERY ACTIVE boys that are up at sparrows fart and need to be occupied 24/7.

The only way you can survive in my house is to have a never ending supply of food and drink for the boys and then throw them outside (if its raining, put a coat on them). If that fails, pop in an action DVD or a sci-fi and give them a bowl of chippies or popcorn and a blanket.

Once you have done all that and they are quiet, you then have to think about what will happen when John gets home from work on Saturday afternoon. The only way I have found to do that is to keep him occupied with the telly (or computer game) and food and then curl up with a good book until its time to make dinner.

Then its start all over again on Sunday with John home. Thats pretty hard as John can be worse than the kids at times and its very hard to get him up to do something once hes on the couch engrossed in telly. Im pretty lucky its winter, because its perfect fire and telly weather.

This post would be a bit hard on me too. I dont have a style as such. I wear what fits and what I feel comfortable in. I have tried trends and I just dont have the body shape (or money) to pull any of the current trends off.

Everytime I get dressed, I think I look like a movie star.....really I look like a frumpy mum with messy hair and a belly that looks like a baby is about to drop out of it and an ass to match.
This is the sort of stuff I would wear if I could look like the movie stars.
We are eco friendly (well I would like to think so)
I take our cardboard boxes (from packaging, food etc) to the local kindy for the collage box a long with my magazines and newspapers and plastic bags (for changes of clothes etc).
We have a compost for our food scraps. John dug a hole in the ground and when its full, hes going to fill it back in and thats how we make our compost.
When I was pregnant with Declan, I bought MCN. Those snazzy nappies with snaps and patterns etc on them.
Its not a lot to us, but its a wee bit more than anyone else would be doing.
I know that there is a lot more that we are doing that I just cant think of right now....oh water....I try and save water and tip grey water into the garden etc instead of tipping it down the drain.

Im not really a poem type of gal, but my nana owned a book by Pam Ayres and I love her poems. There are too many to share, but here is one.

Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth,
And spotted the dangers beneath
All the toffees I chewed,
And the sweet sticky food.
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

I wish I’d been that much more willin’
When I had more tooth there than fillin’
To give up gobstoppers,
From respect to me choppers,
And to buy something else with me shillin’.

When I think of the lollies I licked
And the liquorice allsorts I picked,
Sherbet dabs, big and little,
All that hard peanut brittle,
My conscience gets horribly pricked.

My mother, she told me no end,
‘If you got a tooth, you got a friend.’
I was young then, and careless,
My toothbrush was hairless,
I never had much time to spend.

Oh I showed them the toothpaste all right,
I flashed it about late at night,
But up-and-down brushin’
And pokin’ and fussin’
Didn’t seem worth the time – I could bite!

If I’d known I was paving the way
To cavities, caps and decay,
The murder of fillin’s,
Injections and drillin’s,
I’d have thrown all me sherbet away.

So I lie in the old dentist’s chair,
And I gaze up his nose in despair,
And his drill it do whine
In these molars of mine.
‘Two amalgam,’ he’ll say, ‘for in there.’

How I laughed at my mother’s false teeth,
As they foamed in the waters beneath.
But now comes the reckonin’
It’s methey are beckonin’
Oh, I wish I’d looked after me teeth.

Oh this is easy! We have LOTS of plans for summer! Luckily Summer is in November so we have plenty of time to get saving!
  • We need to re-build our wood shed and look at building an extra one
  • We need to get some WOOD
  • The house needs the painting finished outside
  • The yard needs cleaning (which may happen this year)
  • Under floor and ceiling insulation before summer is out
  • We are hoping to do a re-jib and paint in the boys bedrooms (I think its called drywalling?)
  • oh and now my brain has gone blank haha


I have a lot of is flying.

John watches A LOT of "air investigation" programs on National Geographic (or is that Discovery?) and I am already freaked out about flying as it is without all that. 
We had to go to Auckland last November to the hospital for John to have a procedure done.
We flew up in a 737 and it was a really bad flight for me. My seat was next to the wing and we were packed in like sardines. I got really scared and wanted off the plane, and having John talk about the plane dropping out of the sky was FREAKING me out even more.
I dont know why I am scared to fly, I mean I have done it twice about 20years ago in a little pencil plane.
I think its weird how your fears can spiral out of control as you get older. This is a fear that can seriously hold us back from doing things in life (unless I am sedated that is). It was great view from in the plane, but I was too scared to enjoy the flight (and really it was only about 30mins in the air anyway).

Thats my fear.

This is the end of this catch up. Hopefully I will be back on board in a few days.

I love reading comments that you have sent in, and I love to visit everyone who visits me. 

Much Love

Monday, July 9, 2012

#blog challenge catch up


I dont have an 'ideal' day of me time. I spend a lot of time at home alone so I get to do what I want (unless Im broke). I like to be surrounded by people who love and care about me. I like to watch Telly and DVDs etc and read. So that my day. Its pretty small and boring compared to what most people would do I suppose. Im a home body and find it hard to make friends, so this is what I have always done.

My significant other isnt into showering with gifts etc. Most of the time, he is too pre occupied with other stuff to notice what I do or dont do hehe.
When he is outside pruning the rose bushes back, he cuts me a single rose. Its barely opened. He cuts all the leaves off the stem and makes sure it has a beautiful smell. Thats what he does that makes my heart melt. I often find those roses hanging up in my hot water cupboard to dry (he does that).

Thats a hard one.
When my nana went to a nursing home, she gave me her microwave. That was a god send :)
When my nana died, my mum bought me a chest freezer and a new free standing oven/stove. We really needed that.
When I was pregnant with Declan, my mum gave me a HUGE slow cooker.
I have had heaps of gifts and they all have their special "best" sticker on them.

Um, I dont. I usually wait until I can't move in the bathroom anymore and then I throw it all in the laundry room and leave it and then wash it all in one go. Then it goes in the dryer and onto the couch.
I don't have any tips. Im a slack house wife. I have charts, lists, notes etc and I still cant turn into Martha Stewart.

Okay so thats a few catch up blog posts.
Things are crap here. Im not allowed to talk about it so Im not doing so well.
Since I can't talk, Im off to watch GLEE

Much Love

Friday, June 29, 2012

Cancer is awful!

I had no other idea for todays title.

Over the past couple of weeks, we have been hit with the Cancer bomb.
Its awful!

Johns dad went into hospital last Monday with a suspected Gall Bladder problem. A few tests, CAT scan etc and they found a growth on his heart and spots on his liver. They managed his pain and he went home (I think he would of been chomping at the bit to leave).

Last night, we got the call that the biopsies were back etc and the cancer is EVERYWHERE. Not only that, but poor dad has Rheumatoid arthritis too. I am slowly falling apart while trying to hold everyone up (John, his brother, Johns aunt). I know that there could be years, weeks or even months left and am trying to focus on the long term (him being here for xmas etc) because while I am grieving, he isnt dead yet lol.
I am also feeling a wee bit selfish at how I am feeling. He isnt MY dad, and this isnt MY family (ya know), so why am I sad and feeling like everything is falling apart around us?

I feel for mum as I have no idea what they are going through. They have been married for 32+years and together for longer. They have also just gone through a family death a few months ago. 

While I SHOULD be doing my blog challenge and catching up, its the last thing on my mind at the moment.

Okay, Im off to stoke the fire and make a cuppa and gorge myself on chocolate while deciding on what to make for dinner.

Happy Friday everyone

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Happy Tuesday! #BlogChallenge

I have a few posts that I need to catch up on today......

Photo as a child
I dont have a photo of me as a child.....unless I turn my house upside down looking for one (and the chances of finding one is pretty slim)...sorry people.

Most Recent Words of Wisdom?
We are going through some major stuff at the moment. I think the most recent words of wisdom given to me has been "Don't be afraid to ask for help"
I have had a pretty bad upbringing and had to rely on myself for everything, so it is hard for me to swallow my pride and ask for help. Whether it is support I need or something else, I find it super hard to ask for help or to accept any form of help.

The next posts are from bloggers....

When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up? Hannah @ Baby Knows Best
Ohhhh this is a hard one.....I wanted to be so many things when I grew up.
I wanted to play Saxophone.
I wanted to be a teacher (primary/kindergarten)
I wanted to be a vet
I wanted to be a nurse
I wanted to be a mechanic
I think I have FINALLY settled on being a mum.

Favorite Blog Post you've written before this challenge. Alecia @ Chicken Scratch NY
I have a lot of favourite Blog Posts.
I wrote a post about how petty and horrible some women can be. I was very angry after years and years of harrassment and bullying. They had attacked me left right and center and I really should have left, but there were some really nice genuine people on there. I didnt name names, I didnt even put up links etc, but my blog had the most views and it still does on that one post.
I wrote a post about how PC we are becoming and its taking all the fun away from things and about how competitive people are now.

Favorite eco-friendly thing to do. Shai @ The Vagabond Studio
I dont see myself as an Eco-Friendly person....I do stuff because it makes sense to do it.
I turn off taps so they dont drip
I turn off lights to save power
We have a compost and a vege garden (although its not really a garden at the mo)
I just do stuff. for my post
We are going through some stuff at the mo, I dont particularly feel like doing the blog challenge anymore. I am going to keep doing it though as I am doing it for ME and not anyone else. It will also keep me occupied.
Today is a wet cold day. The kids are off at school. Declan got "star of the day" yesterday and has a few more newbies started. Andrew is doing pretty well too. John is out in the wop wops working today (in the rain etc) and we have Johns younger brother staying with us at the mo while hes on holiday.
Thats pretty much it. I want to spend some money, but we are flat broke til John gets paid and the credit card doesn't look too healthy lol, so most likely catching up on blogging and watching MySky stuff.

Much love