Friday, February 24, 2012

I am a Slacker Mom...........

Trawling my FaceBook status updates just now while eating a very late breakfast, I stumbled (ok it was RIGHT there!) on The Scary Mommy FaceBook and her update was fantastic. It was just a synopsis of a blog post a slacker mommy and proud and Im glad that she posts what most of us are thinking or what we are doing but never say because of other moms/mums.

Im a slacker mum here too.

I dont do playdates either.
If your kid wants to play with my kid, then come to my house and they can run loose in the yard and do what kids do. Pack an extra change of clothes, because if they get dirty (which they will), then I can change your precious before you pick him up. Oh and I dont do the whole feed them a platter crap. I do the "feed them when they are hungry" and its most likely a packet of chips and a piece of fruit.

I dont do parties either
I spent years on worrying about trying to keep up with everyone else that I spent way too much money, sent out the invites and waited for the RSVPs to come (which they didn't).
On the day, I made TWO freaking cakes, cleaned my house, laid out the food and drinks, decorated the house and only TWO other kids turned up! This happened every year. So this year, we are forgoing the party and going somewhere totally different for a low key, cheap play with family. I will just make TWO cakes like always and send them to daycare and after school care for the kids. Ya know what, I probably will forget the cakes or just get cbf syndrome and wont make the damn things lol

Other slacker mum things I do:
I dont do the parent help at school
I dont always bake for my kids cos really I cbf or I just plain dont want to
I dont keep up with other parents and other kids when it comes to toys etc because my parents didnt and even though I want my kids to be the "best", John tells me I wont teach them anything by giving them stuff all the time.
I dont keep a prestine house. If you wanna come in and sit down, chuck mt washmore in a basket (which is next to the couch) and sit down.

I also dont agree with a lot of things other mothers do.
Parenting used to be so easy. You got pregnant, gave birth and raised the kid best you could with what you had and you made do.
Now parenting is a constant competition. In fact, everything is a competition.
Its goes a little something like this:

First to get pregnant
First to get a scan (which is NOT fucking needed unless your high risk etc otherwise your wasting time and money and resources so you can brag to other mummies)
First to feel a kick etc
First to go into labour (in all of this, your constantly posting dumb questions on the internet to other mums that you should be asking your Midwife/Obgyn/dr etc)
First to crawl/walk/climb/talk etc
Then there is the accessories.

You HAVE to have:
Latest pram and have enough money to upgrade said pram to next best pram
Latest reversable/forward facing carseat (that goes into a booster) and have enough money for next best seat on market.
High chair
single bed
breast pump (because breast is best and formula wont cut it)
latest cell phone with camera
24/7 access to internet so you can stay in touch with other mums just like you (or the ones your trying to keep up with)

Then the list gets longer as the kid gets older

This all used to get me down when I found the internet. Back in ancient times (I mean 2003/2004) we had whatever was cheap and the best at the time. So we had a pram, cot, carseat, clothes etc and that was it. You almost need a second house for all the other crap people buy. Polly on ZM said the other day that the average first time parent buys over $2800 worth of STUFF before the mother gives birth. I would hate to see the size of their credit card bill (and how many credit cards do they have?)

Anyway, this is all food for thought today care of Scary Mommy. Dont forget to check her FB and her webpage. She is the Real mother (like me lol) and shows what parenting used to be like and how its changed etc. She is NOT afraid of the clucking internet bitches that put people down.

Much love

Monday, February 20, 2012

I cant sleep at night

I always seem to have so much on my mind that only seems to come out when Im tired as a dog and trying to sleep :(

The thing that was taking over my mind last night was my wee angel baby. This is kinda graphic (tampons etc lol)

I had a Miscarriage at 4wks pregnant the weekend before christmas 2011.

I thought that I would be ok with it. Not be one of those mums who talk about it all the time and moved on and accepted it. I spent the first 2wks afterwards feeling so relaxed and happy and saying that I was ok and it was Gods work and I wasnt ready for another baby because God had other plans for me (getting a job, working on myself, working on my house etc) so I was doing ok. Well thats what I thought until New Year arrived and no I clearly was NOT doing ok. The hormones suddenly dropped (just like after you have a baby) and I got really down because my GP did NOT do what she should have done (or what I thought she should have done at the time).

I tend to ramble a bit and go off tangent, but Im going to try my best to rehash it all. Will probably do me the world of good :)

Something that is part of my life now seems so silly to what other people go through time after time.

I had two very very very faint positive pregnancy tests done the week before my period was due. They were so damn faint I had to ask 3 different people to tell me what they could see and I took pictures lol. I couldnt believe my luck even though I wanted another baby so badly and thought I was seeing things.

I had the nausea, the tender boobs, the cramping etc that all pointed to a baby. I mean, I had had all that twice before so I didnt need a silly pee test to tell me what I already knew (and with my hormones, I had to wait at least another 4wks to get that dark line I was waiting for).
The night I started to bleed, I was cooking dinner and I was overcome with this awful cramping and back ache and knew that something wasnt right and I had the urge to go to the toilet. Just as well cause it was a bloody mess! No pun intended hahaha
So I cleaned myself up and went and had dinner and carried on. The pain had gone, the pregnancy symptoms were fading fast and there wasnt much I could do on a weekend night so I watched telly and went to bed and just did what I normally did.
The next day was Sunday and there was another mess to clean up and it was awful. The nice hot shower was great (although apparently it should be lukewarm or something) and I put in a tampon (I didnt know that was a no no and I was flooding out pads within 30mins) and we all got in the car and went for a drive to Johns parents place in Foxton (its about 1hr 30mins from home). 
I truly did NOT think about going to a dr. I really did think that I was ok and there was nothing to worry about.

I had flooded out my pad within 30mins of leaving home and there were clots etc and thats when my worry radar started to go off, but hey I was away from home and what could I do? It was a family day out with John and the kids.

Monday was probably the worst part. I succumbed to a friends worried text message and went to the dr. The nurse looked worried and said there wasnt anything they could do if it was a MC and that I could see the dr if I wanted to.
The dr made me to the pee test and of course nothing showed up so she said, "your not pregnant because the pee test said so, go home and try to rest" 
I tried to go for a blood test (thanks to my friend Trishy) and got "you dont need one" so I went home with no answers and feeling belated that I should have tried more.
I bled for a grand total of 5 nights and 4 days. It was not a Miscarriage like what you hear about from friends or what you read on the internet or in books. It only hurt for a little while and then I just bled. There was no cramping etc all the way through like when you have your period, it was just a pain free bleed with lots of mess and was very horrible. I didnt feel sad (like I thought I would), I felt relaxed and anxious and happy all at the same time. Because I didnt feel the way I thought I *should* I didnt listen to my friends and didnt get what I wanted from the dr and that PISSED ME OFF. I let myself down.

At Christmas, I became the bitch from christmas past. I had no tree, no stockings for the kids and only one present for each of them that I couldnt even be bothered to wrap and give them. I didnt have the big family christmas on the movies and I had lost my baby.
At New Years, I had a huge hormone thing happen and all I wanted was to have my MC accepted and acknowledged by family and the dr, but that didnt happen. Johns family didnt think that adding to our family would be a good idea, so I had to lie and just say it was a really heavy period etc and that I was ok blah blah blah when all I wanted to do was yell and scream and make people listen to me.

Its February now. I still want to talk about it. I want to do something to acknowledge that for that little time, I was going to be a mum again (it was unplanned).

About 3wks ago, a friend of mine came up to me and said she was pregnant again and was thinking of an abortion. It would be her 3rd abortion and I didnt know what to do. She later MC her baby too and I went to all the dr appts with her and her scan and texted her and talked to her and was there for her like I wanted people to do with me. I didnt get dr appts or a scan or even a friend to hug me when I wanted to cry. My friend and I were due on the same day and MC 3-4wks apart.

She is my one true friend IRL and I dont even think she knows how I was feeling or how Im doing now, she just knows that when her friends werent there for her, I was. I was there for her so she wasnt alone like I was and because I love her to pieces.

Now, I just dont know where I fit or where to go or who to talk to. I prayed to the Lord last night for the first time in a LONG time. 

The one problem I have is how to end my post lol. Im wiping away the tears and watching Ben 10 Ultimate Alien and alone and have no idea what Im going to do with the rest of my day. 

Much love to you all

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Zumba Thursday!

Happy Thursday everyone!

Im on Johns laptop and it has a shifty "enter" key so bear with me if there are typos :)

I woke up a wee bit late today (I dont think Im sleeping very well as I wake up really tired and have a dry mouth etc but I wont bore you), got the boys up and fed etc and pushed them out the door just in time to get Andrew to school. I thought after I dropped Declan at daycare, that it might be a good idea to wake myself up with the weekly beginners Zumba class at the gym. BOY was I wrong!

I was VERY uncoordinated today and couldn't manage to sort my feet into what they were MEANT to be doing because my arms and brain were telling me something very different to what the instructor was doing lol.

I must of done a pretty good job today despite wanting to crawl into bed and sleep because I worked up a mega sweat and felt a wee bit better! :)

As Im writing this post, we are waiting for John to get home from a late night at work. I have Declan next to me on the couch playing on my iPod (all I can here is "touch the A") and Andrew is taking over my massive telly with some gaming site he got off my friends 16yo son (yeah thanks heaps). I think its a pretty good site.... its and it has heaps of games on it that Andrew plays. The kids seem to be doing really well with the influx of gaming in the past week. They still go outside and play with cars and dig in the dirt etc, but with the gaming I let them do now (which BTW I was so totally against doing), they play really well together when they are playing with toys etc.

I dont know if I posted this before, but I made BLUEBERRY muffins the other week! Blueberries were 2 for $6 at Countdown so I grabbed some and made muffins lol. They were very good and I only made 6 as I put the mix in my Texas pan, but I have some more in the fridge so will have to make more and share the recipe and a photo (or 100).

Im about to start going off on a tangent as Im pretty knackered so will leave you with the thought of my muffins

Much Love

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Its FEBRUARY!!!!!!

Just a pic post today. Have way too much to post so will be aiming for daily blogs this week :)

Declan on the new electric train in Wellington

Standing outside the train in Upper Hutt

Waiting for the Diesel train home to Wairarapa

When Johns brother brought his daughter and Lori over 

My niece Tara Jade!

Well Im off to waste some time playing games on FaceBook and attempt to do some housework. 
Much Love