Thursday, October 18, 2012

On Tuesday, we got the call we had been waiting for. It came sooner than we expected and we were NOT ready for it even though we knew it was coming.
After 5months, Johns dad lost his battle to cancer.
I feel the need to blog. I feel isolated and lost. 
I have to tell my two children who love him like crazy and everytime I think about that, I cry.
I am heartbroken for John and his mum and the kids.
I also feel like its been a life time even though it was only two days ago.

I have to say thank you to my friend who helped me take the call from John. 
She is a rock. She helped me sort out John, his nana (who came to look after Declan), and she offered to take Andrew for me so he would still go to school.

I need to say thank you to the staff at Palmerston North Hospital in Ward 23 and 28 for looking after Johns mum and dad. They are fantastic people up there. They were also fantastic when we all sat and said our good byes for HOURS.

I really didnt think this was going to happen so soon. He is a stubborn man with pride and all I could think was "he will fight this in true Wayne fashion"

Apart from having to be there for Ma and John, the hardest thing I did was go and get Johns brothers from the Hospital door and take them up to their dad. I thought I would be ok doing that, so John could stay with his mum while she sat with was very hard.

The other hardest thing I will HAVE to do (because I have no choice in this) is telling my kids about their grandad and I dont know how. I procrastinated telling them about his illness, and I cant procrastinate about this one.

You may not have been my dad Wayne, but I love you like you are.

Much Love 

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Its a "donkey off Shrek" day

How can you be so alone even though you have at least one friend you can call on?

That is how I am feeling at the moment.....well I have felt it for a long time, it just comes on like a switch and fades away.

I have a check up so I must get a wriggle on, but I am still left wondering how I seem to be the only one alone in such a big world of  people who claim to love and miss me and that I am such a wonderful person to be around......"and we must catch up soon"


Tuesday, October 9, 2012

People are like Vultures

Not really the title I wanted for this post, but I have learnt that out of the 66 (make that 67) posts I have done only 2 or 3 have had really high views and are still getting read (and talked about).

So it goes to show that people are vultures. They pick on people until there is nothing left and then they just keep on picking.

My "men truly are better than women" post has a WHOPPING 301 views (and I know they are still coming).
My "there is no such thing as "respect"" post has 60 views so far since I posted it and like the post above, it will keep climbing.

My spring cleaning posts didnt do very well (I think the people viewing my blog love my drama that THEY cause btw).

My other posts about the organising challenge have over 100 views, but thankfully those viewers have been reading and commenting and helping me (which is what this blog is designed for).

It just makes me sad that the higher viewed pages are the ones that aren't actually worth reading, but those people will keep reading it to see if I changed the post or if I deleted the post or if I have written another post like it.

Anyway, today isn't very good.
I think Johns nana is getting worse. She is slowly forgetting stuff and she wasnt at New World wating for me to pick her up and take her home this morning even though it is Pension Day and that means getting the bus to town and doing her grocery shopping and then me picking her up and taking her home.

I rang her and she said that I didnt call her (I dont call her on Pension Day, its an unwritten routine) and that she thought she had done something wrong to upset me.
After I went to pick her up and take her shopping, I dropped her off home and she said "oh when you pick me up for my dr appt..." Well she didnt tell me about the dr makes me think I need to broach this with the dr today.

Im very worried that the woman who is driving us all insane is slowly falling away and no one seems to give a rats arse about her except ONE of kids (she has four) and us (being John and I and our kids).

What am I to do?

Friday, October 5, 2012

8 things.......

Right now I am sitting at home with the boys watching Despicable Me
It is a windy night and I have to get the washing in and hang out another load
We had NACHOS for dinner!
Tomorrow is Saturday
Declan has Slap Cheek
Andrew has just gotten over the Chicken Pox
Andrew and I saw Hotel Transylvania on Tuesday
Bring on tomorrow and hopefully I will get a sleep in (ha ha)

Night Night
Have a great weekend

Thursday, October 4, 2012

There is no such thing as "respect for others"

It doesn't exist so I have been finding out.

I started my blog to have somewhere to go to help get my feelings etc out there and to help get myself back to a place I used to be in and was happy there.

I have started getting back there and have been avoiding situations that are no good for me and bring me down and make me angry.

I belong to a forum and in my signature, I have my blog link.
Apparently I need to take the blog link down, because I post nasty things about people and places and have named and shamed them. If you look back on all my posts, you will find no links, no user names, no real names, no FaceBook links, no nothing.

I am constantly being punished by ONE group of people because I don't fit into their mould. If they had taken the time to get off their high horse and into the real world and actually saw me walking down the street, they would most likely say hi to me and start a conversation. Judging by others is crap.

There is no such thing as Respect for Others or Freedom of Speech or anything in between.
Its their rule and your rule and your rule just doesn't fit into their rule.

I think its rude that I am being punished for stuff that I haven't done. I have played the rules, I have been nice, I have even kept silent (which is what THEY wanted) and I am still being punished through the internet.

I think its sad. Im at a point where one person is having a real shit time at the moment and all I can think is "I could help you" but it is quickly replaced with "you have had warning and time to do things and you stuffed around"

I am not on the internet as much as I used to be, and Im a happier person for that. Maybe if everyone got off the internet once in a while and went into the real world, they would be happier too and would stop bringing others down with their crap (like I used to).

So, you can take the link down to my blog and yes I will replace it and yes you can ban me,  but you cant stop my blogging. There are no names or even links, but I can be petty and childish like all of you and start putting up names and links....what is the point though? I won. I will always win and you can't do anything to stop me from being a better person from "meeting" all those "lovely" people on the other end of the computer screen all those years ago.

Much Love